STAND - Life in the Fast Lane

     Living with RA or any other debilitating disease will knock you down for sure. I go through a mental strategy every time this happens. I tell myself that I MUST get up and STAND. Just stand. Last year, this same time, I was bedridden most of the year. Laying in bed in pain and not being able to turn left or right. My back would get sore from so much laying down.

     It was toward the end of last year when I started to realize that if I stay down, it will only get worse. So one day, I forced myself up from bed. My knees hurt so much that I screamed in pain. My kids ran in to help me up. I remembered how we would always go to Disneyland and hopped our way to the main entrance singing a silly song we do. Now they were helping mommy get up with their worried little sad faces. How I wanted to say, "Just kidding, let's get ready and go to Disneyland!" We used to go to parks to play kickball before...but not anymore. All these thoughts of what I used to physically do...but there I was ...with an invisible chain wrapped around me. I decided to fight.

     I pushed myself stand up from bed. I pushed myself to do clean the house.I pushed myself to look normal. I pushed myself to be a bit of who I was. And when I fell weak again, I PRAYED. God brought me out of a lonely depressed state of mind. I began to focus on LIFE again. I took my kids to the playground one day and I told myself..."You can do this...you can walk to the park". I did. I went. I had fun with my kids. On another day, I took my kids to Disneyland after a long hiatus. I only lasted 3 hours that day but I went! The more I pushed, the more I was able. I pray to God for strength all the time and HE answers. Yes, I feel the pain. But there's more pain when you do nothing. I started to get out more, work every now and then in the entertainment business (talk about fast paced environment), go to church and enjoy days with my kids. I'm in physical pain but I'm happy. I'm taking better care of myself and it's made a huge difference in my pain levels. 

     So to all who are at their lowest, who see no end to this pain, who are on the verge of giving up. JUST STAND. Take it from there. Stand and look up to the heavens and pray for your next step. You can do it. God is there to help you if you only ask! He will walk with you every step of the way. I can say that because I'm living it right now. Depression is gone, and in it's place is hope and joy for what's to come. Through the pain, I am cherishing precious moments and enjoying my family on the way. 

     Be strong my fellow soldiers. STAND.